10 Better Casting Choices for 50 Shades of Grey
The world is outraged and saddened at the casting of the lead roles of 50 Shades of Grey – the book millions of mothers decided to masturbate to in 2011.
News broke this week that Charlie Hunham and Dakota Johnson landed the coveted roles of Christrian Grey and Anastasia Steele. So basically, some girl and one dude you’d only recognize if you watch Sons of Anarchy – in other words, a bunch of NOBODIES.
Fans are so outraged by this obvious lapse in Hollywood judgment, they made a petition demanding Matt Bomer and Alexis Bledel – THE RIGHTFUL CHRISTIAN AND ANASTASIA – be recast.
Originally, when I was tasked with writing an article relating to 50 Shades of Grey, I wanted to explore the possibility of, in this day of the Kickstarter, Hollywood blockbusters being entirely cast by fans. Maybe this ‘power to the people’ movement and the accessibility of the Internet will entirely redefine the moviemaking process. That could be a stimulating piece worth generating intelligent discussion.
But then, realizing I was tasked with a deadline, I decided I wouldn’t.
Here are 10 better choices for the leads in 50 Shades of Grey, a book I have no interest in ever reading.
1) George Clooney + Emma Watson
Titillating A-Listers bring sultry sex to the silver screen.
2) Mr. Feeny + Taylor Swift
Stern lessons in love with the heartbreak kid.
3) Will Smith + His Cool Son
Perfect followup to After Earth.
4) Jack Nicholson + Amanda Bynes
5) Phil Jackson + Belle from Beauty & the Beast
The Zen Master’s love as old as time.
6) Bill O’Reilly + Rosie O’Donnel
50 Shades O’ Bengay
7) Denzel Washington + My grandmother
I realize there’s a big age difference here, but my grandmother has such a crush on Denzel — this would be adorable.
8) Jeff Bridges + Serena Williams
…. Why not?
9) Katherine Heigle + That Piano from Big
10) Pitbull + An actual dog