Questions I Have For a Guide Dog

guide dog
  • I currently have a prescription of -3.25 in each eye. Realistically speaking, how close am I to owning you?
  • Do you feel superior to other dogs on the street? Be honest.
  • Are you comfortable with a job that pays only in affection and Milk Bones? Are you close to forming a union?
  • Are you friends with any cats?
  • Is it just me, or do service animals seem more reserved? Why don’t I ever see any of you licking yourselves in public?
  • Was this your choice of careers, or were you pressured into it by an overachieving parental figure?
  • God, you’re adorable. Sorry, less a question — more an observation. I really do appreciate you taking time like this…
  • You’re pretty good with people. When my girlfriend says, “I don’t care if you go out with your friends tonight,” what does she really mean by that?
  • Are you above eating your own poop?
  • Can you guys go everywhere people go? Like, EVERYWHERE.
  • Do you get special water? Like you can only drink Desani.
  • Have you ever just been pissed off with your master and deliberately gone the wrong direction? Maybe they wanted to go to a nice sit down restaurant and you take them to Denny’s.

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