Managing the drive-thru at work is a private ring of hell that requires an ungainly headset. Count yourself fortunate if you’ve never shouldered the responsibility of serving droves of people too busy with cell phone conversations to acknowledge you have a pulse, 50 feet beyond your reach. Here’s how you can foster diabetes like a champ.

1. You have no idea what to order

Seriously, why is reading the menu at Wendy’s like interpreting ancient scrawl from a previously undiscovered civilization? There’s a line forming behind you. Order a cheeseburger and move on with your life.

2. You practice your standup routine at the intercom

For some inexplicable reason, the order intercom doubles as an open mic and every night is comedy night. Besides, what better opportunity to showcase your prowess as an amateur comedian than hitting on the poor mother of three who speaks broken English?

3. You berate the person over a company policy or belief they have no control over

You might have a hard time believing this, but working the drive-thru and overseeing the entire company’s public perception are mutually exclusive in the vast majority of cases. Try watching this and not cringe… BONUS: The guy recording the video was fired as CFO of his company. Hoorah for justice!

4. You “forgot” your wallet and you’re “SO embarrassed!”

You’ve been sitting in line at In ‘N Out for 10 minutes and just realized you have no form of payment? Right. If you’re looking for free food, try your luck at dumpster diving. If you’re legitimately embarrassed you’d just gun it out of there as opposed to sharing your sob story.

5. You actually perform ‘Fire in the hole’

Uh oh. Looks like someone never grew up after middle school. Cool prank, guys! Perhaps the only thing more degrading than making minimum wage and working the drive-thru is doing all of this as you’re drenched in Baja Blast. If karma exists, whoever recorded this deserves a Sonic Route 44 to the face.