So I’ve recently joined Tinder, the “fun way to break the ice” in the virtual dating world. The app is also the BEST way to get away with being a shallow asshole without anyone knowing. Or caring for that matter. Here’s the basic breakdown of the app:
- Log in using Facebook — this is only so Tinder can see your friends, friends of friends, and anything you “like” on Facebook. Nothing gets posted to Facebook, don’t worry.
- Let the fun begin — Once you’re logged in, Tinder uses your location to find “hotties” in the set radius you apply. (PRO/CREEPER TIP: you can set your radius up to 99 miles away for maximum hottie potential. Just sayin’)
- “Like” or “Nope” said “hotties” — It’s as simple as swiping left for “like” or right for “nope.” Seriously, that’s it. Unless, of course, you decide to delve deeper into your potential match. The app allows you to see what friends and interests you have in common, as well as the option to check out (up to 4) additional pictures… if you really care that much.
- Find a match — This is probably the best part. You do not know who has “liked” your profile until YOU like THEIR profile back. (PRO/CREEPER TIP: just “like” every photo you come across for maximum hottie potential! foreveralone.jpg)
- Start chatting — Once you’ve found your match, you have the ability to chat with them in a pretty standard IM or text display. Sexxxy.
Here’s the thing: this app is great for employing a simple “hot or not” mentality. I probably spend an average of 2.6879 seconds on a single potential match. If a potential suitor REALLY catches my eye, I’ll click to see more pictures or shared interests before making the crucial decision to “like” them or not. Creepy, I know.
My luck with Tinder has been… not so great. Let’s take a look at some numbers:
At this very moment I have been using the app for 1 month and 13 days and have exactly 20 matches. Out of those 20 matches I have initiated conversation with 7. Out of those 7 only 3 have responded. The longest dialogue I’ve held with a match has been 8 lines. I’ve had only 1 match initiate conversation with me. She wasn’t pretty, er, the situation wasn’t pretty…
Ultimately, I love this app because — and I think a lot of people in the Tinder game can agree — it allows, nay, forces me to give into my shallow side. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a total douche nozzle; I’m fairly deep when it comes down to it. Many an ex girlfriend might disagree with me here, but I’m a nice guy. Not the “nice guys finish last” kind of nice guy. Just a regular dude. The best thing about Tinder is that I don’t have to worry about that because EVERYONE using the app is being shallow. There’s no disputing it. No avoiding it.
So, fellow single people of the world, I suggest you give into the dark side. Be that shallow person you always judged others for being and hop on the Tinder train now and start finding a local hottie in your area! Woo hoo!
