There are plenty of great locations to stage a mind numbingly volatile mental breakdown, but when the time comes for your next ruinous display of emotion, where will you be? Forget ‘going postal’ – this isn’t your grandfather’s mental breakdown! Here’s a list of the very best places to lose your alarmingly loose grip on reality.
1. Your office
A timeless classic of mental breakdowns, erupting in the middle of a busy office is a great way to show everyone you’re tired of their shit. Whether you’re just getting laid off or PowerPoint is loading too slowly, anytime is a good time to fly off the handle. Your coworkers will admire your spontaneity until you begin frantically throwing mountains of paperwork in their stupid goddamned faces.
Remember – copy machines, printers, rows of widescreen monitors – you’ll want to destroy all of this company property as quickly as possible to show everyone who’s really in charge.
2. The middle of a busy intersection
There’s nothing quite like an epic meltdown in the middle of traffic. Aggressive motorists make a terrific audience any day of the week. The best part is your public tirade will be sharply accented by the shrill honking of at least a dozen horns, reverberating like an abominable anthem heard within the darkest pits of hell. Make sure to really parade around out there – you’ve got a lot of ground to cover!
3. Chilis
Potentially the most delicious mental breakdown ever! Chilis friendly and efficient staff will get you quickly in and out for your next public episode. And now with Chilis’ newly offered 2 for $20, you can bring along a friend to implode alongside you.
Snag a mouthful of Pumpkin Spice Molten Cake and ruthlessly shake your finger in the face of the toddler coloring at the adjacent table. Cool off with a sip of Presidente Margarita as you hoarse your vocal cords from screaming bloody murder.
4. Live television
Looking for the biggest audience for your mental breakdown? Find a way to put yourself on television and your total lack of mental stability will be conveniently broadcast to thousands – even millions!
Live television presents a lot of options when it comes to completely shattering those few remaining shards of humanity you’ve been clutching onto. Get creative!
5. Standing in line to buy baby formula at Babies R Us
If you’re looking for a more conservative venue for your breakdown, look no further than your local Babies R Us. Everyone in line behind you will appreciate a terrific meltdown they can tell their friends about later.
Whenever the total comes up on the register, scream, “Are you kidding?!”, before you launch into any volatile offensive. It’s also a sound idea to begin weeping uncontrollably as you thrust wallet size photos of your children at the elderly woman hating her job behind the counter.
