In my latest journalistic efforts, I investigate whether Internet chat rooms are still a thing. It took me all of five minutes to discover, yes, sadly, they are still in abundance.
The second part of my assignment? Seeing how long I could have the stupidest conversation possible with some kid inside the chat room. I selected my terrific screen name of ‘BigBopper88’ and was well on my way.
I sent a private message to a dude who identified himself as ‘Timmie’. Our conversation lasted 42 minutes and 36 seconds.
What follows is a transcript of our chat.
Please enjoy this, the worst thing I have ever (partly) written (50% of anyway) for Modern Thrill.
BigBopper88: Haha skateboarding!
Timmie: what?
BigBopper88: I’m a kid, like you 🙂
BigBopper88: What’s shakin?
Timmie: okay wait a minute
Timmie: kid like me, how old are you?
BigBopper88: I’m 16!
Timmie: okay, sorry
Timmie: just didn’t expect a 16y old to say kid like you
BigBopper88: Are you a young guy like me?!
Timmie: yes
Timmie: I’m 15
BigBopper88: Cool! Chatting is awesome!
Timmie: haha I know
BigBopper88: My friend Jake does weed
Timmie: where are you from?
BigBopper88: Kentucky
BigBopper88: Did you ever do weed?
Timmie: cool, and no
Timmie: never
BigBopper88: yeah, no thanks!
BigBopper88: My friend Jake, if he ever asks me to do weed with him, I should polly just say no?
Timmie: yes
Timmie: if you don’t want it just don’t know it
BigBopper88: Jake calls me a pussy and hits my arm sometimes
BigBopper88: He’s a jerk
Timmie: he calls you a?
BigBopper88: pus sy cat
BigBopper88: He’s like, “cmon, you pus sy just do this weed”
Timmie: okay
Timmie: how old is he?
BigBopper88: He’s 32
BigBopper88: My step dad
Timmie: oh wow
Timmie: I thought like 17 or something
Timmie: just don’t say you want to do drugs
BigBopper88: I don’t
Timmie: and if he is bullying you again you say: I don’t want to lose my mind
BigBopper88: haha just do the skateboards
Timmie: also good
BigBopper88: skateboarding makes me lose my FRIGGIN BRAIN!
BigBopper88: You have to land the tricks
BigBopper88: all of them
Timmie: that is cool
BigBopper88: did you try it before?
Timmie: no
Timmie: I can’t skateboard
Timmie: I can only snowboad
BigBopper88: why? no legs?
Timmie: snowboard
BigBopper88: oh cool!
Timmie: I have legs, it just isn’t that popular here
BigBopper88: Cool, I have legs too
BigBopper88: where u live?
Timmie: Holland
BigBopper88: woah!
Timmie: most people have legs
BigBopper88: so true lol
Timmie: haha
Timmie: and yes Holland is farfar far away
BigBopper88: my uncle jon can throw a baseball sooo far!
BigBopper88: maybe to holland!
Timmie: sure I think he can
BigBopper88: he doesn’t have legs though
BigBopper88: for real
Timmie: o wow, im sorry
BigBopper88: nah it’s cool
BigBopper88: you guys have pizza in holland?
Timmie: haha ofcourse
Timmie: Holland is a multiculture country
BigBopper88: do you guys have cars and stuff? or horses?
Timmie: okay
Timmie: you know that cars and stuff is normal around the world
Timmie: and holland is in europe
BigBopper88: well, wait a minute
BigBopper88: don’t you guys also not use electricity?
BigBopper88: thought holland was old fashion!
Timmie: and there was a timewhen Holland owned New York
Timmie: hahah serious?
BigBopper88: ya
BigBopper88: I watched a movie on tv bout it
BigBopper88: breaking amish?
Timmie: never watched it
Timmie: but yu know that America isn’t the most developed country?
BigBopper88: I think it is
BigBopper88: we have all the sports
Timmie: haha UK and Holland are the same
Timmie: korfball?
BigBopper88: not real
Timmie: yes we are
BigBopper88: korfball isn’t real
Timmie: the UK and Holland are as much developed as America
Timmie: and just because you have more sports doesn’t mean you’re better
BigBopper88: well, we’re not better, I’m not saying that
BigBopper88: but it’s hard to look past you guys not having a nfl team
Timmie: also not the most developed country
Timmie: that isn’t everything in live
Timmie: and the sport is kinda
Timmie: uh
Timmie: for neandertahl..
BigBopper88: what’s that?
Timmie: okay
BigBopper88: lol whatever tho
BigBopper88: hey what’re u guys doing for 4th of july?
Timmie: the people who just developed to become humans
Timmie: you know that isn’t a celebration day everywhere?
BigBopper88: lol ya right
BigBopper88: that’s the day u guys won indepedence
Timmie: u guys?
BigBopper88: ya lol
Timmie: who are us guys?
BigBopper88: you guys, the hollandians
Timmie: you call the people dutch
BigBopper88: no, I call my waffles that!
BigBopper88: LOL
Timmie: I’m pretty sure I’m Dutch
BigBopper88: what does that make me?
BigBopper88: pancakes? lol
BigBopper88: my uncle jon one time are like 6 pancakes
BigBopper88: it was disgusting
Timmie: okay, you don’t know a lot about the world do you?
BigBopper88: I know enough to get PAPER
Timmie: what?
BigBopper88: To make the moola!
BigBopper88: What do you guys use for money in Holland?
Timmie: the what?
Timmie: oh
Timmie: we use Euros
Timmie: like the German, French, Spanish
BigBopper88: okay wait
BigBopper88: you guys can’t all use the same money
BigBopper88: then you’d have to use the same wallets
Timmie: eh..
Timmie: no
Timmie: youcan look it up
BigBopper88: where?
Timmie: people in europe use euros except for some countries
Timmie: google.com
BigBopper88: I use bing
Timmie: also good
BigBopper88: so wait
BigBopper88: let me run this past you
BigBopper88: A Frenchian goes to Dutch and uses his money in the wallet to pay for, Idk, like a fruit or something — you’re telling me that the Dutch give back Frenchian coins?
Timmie: French;
Timmie: Holland
Timmie: no
Timmie: we give them euros back
BigBopper88: how do they make french bread?
BigBopper88: it’s sooo good
Timmie: The same as dutch people?
BigBopper88: Dutch make french bread?
Timmie: I don’t know if there is a difference
Timmie: unless you think that the bread of the french are baguettes..
BigBopper88: bread is soo soft
Timmie: haha okay
BigBopper88: I bet if you jump from airplanes low enough and land on a big bread you’d live and not die
Timmie: can I ask you something?
BigBopper88: no
Timmie: I can’t ask you something?
BigBopper88: what?
Timmie: what?
BigBopper88: ask it
Timmie: what do you know about the world?
BigBopper88: hmm
BigBopper88: it’s big
BigBopper88: and I can skateboard in it lol
Timmie: okay
Timmie: you’re not really knowing about the world, haha
BigBopper88: why?
Timmie: cause you think holland was old fashion, youdon’t know about the euro
Timmie: and that kind of stuff
BigBopper88: I know the euro
BigBopper88: I eat those all t he time
Timmie: what?
BigBopper88: have you been in a hot air balloon?
BigBopper88: would you?
Timmie: nope
Timmie: yes I would
BigBopper88: not me man
BigBopper88: gives me the willies
BigBopper88: have you been in a airplane?
Timmie: yes i have been
BigBopper88: were u flying it?
Timmie: no
Timmie: I’m15
BigBopper88: why do u want to be a pilot?
Timmie: no
BigBopper88: dats kewl
Timmie: that I don’t want to be a pilote?
BigBopper88: whatever floats ur boat
Timmie: what?
Timmie: floats my boat?
BigBopper88: what’s ur favorite food?
Timmie: spaghetti
BigBopper88: that has to suck, having to go to italy from holland to get it
Timmie: hahahaha
Timmie: I can make it in Holland
Timmie: you can make spaghetti in America too
BigBopper88: How do you make spaghetti?
Timmie: with some water. meat, spaghetti sauce
Timmie: and spaghetti ofcourse
BigBopper88: dats kewl
Timmie: can’t you cook?
BigBopper88: ya I use the microwave all the time
Timmie: you do?
Timmie: ugh
Timmie: I can cook lukcily
BigBopper88: cooking is for girls
BigBopper88: least in America
BigBopper88: I have diabetes
Timmie: that is dumb to say
BigBopper88: well sorry I have it
Timmie: oh tahat succk
BigBopper88: why is it dumb to say I have diabetes?
Timmie: no not that
BigBopper88: no the doctor said I had it
Timmie: I mentit about cooking in US
Timmie: but having diabetes isn’t that hard right?
BigBopper88: nah, it’s kewl
BigBopper88: if u had 1 million bucks what would u buy?
Timmie: I know lot of diabetes
BigBopper88: you can’t buy lots of diabetes, you just get it
Timmie: i know
Timmie: I ment I know a lot about diabetes
BigBopper88: if u had 1 million bucks what would u buy?
Timmie: uhm
Timmie: a house
