They say it takes 10,000 hours to truly master any craft. Whether it’s a musical instrument or the art blowing glass it takes a long time before you can claim that you are a “professional”. Here are a couple careers and buzz words that I hear thrown around bars and parties when people are trying to court a potential mate.
Photographer
It’s not blurry… it’s Gaussian
Oh so your parents just bought you a Rebel t4i and you have a trial version of Photoshop? You are available to take senior portraits for the yearbook? You did a photo series about melancholy that features sepia toned pictures of an abandoned shoe on the side of the road? You must be the next Ansel Adams. It seems like anybody with the coin to shell out on a DSLR is a photographer these days, especially 20-something girls with an affinity for sunflower tattoos and four finger rings. The truth is being a good photographer takes more than being able to manipulate the contrast in Photoshop to make your pictures look like they were taken 30 years ago. Good photography takes years of practice to not only master your machine, but also to improve your taste and eye for composition. If photography is your passion take a year or two to learn your craft before you start charging your neighbors for their Christmas photo.
DJ
The crowd is going nuts after I dropped this “banger”
This one has just started springing up in the past couple years as the EDM movement has been blowing up thanks to artists like Skrillex, Kaskade, Deadmau5, and Diplo. It’s funny because five years ago electronic dance music was reserved for “candy kids” who would take ecstasy and head to raves in the middle of the desert or in an abandoned warehouse. These days it seems like you can’t attend a house party or neighborhood bar without running into some kid who spent $600 on some turntables and Beats by Dre “spinning” the top tracks they heard on Soundcloud or Beatport. The problem is most of these people are lacking both taste and ability. Being able to crossfade two songs together with the help of beat matching is easy. What is difficult is configuring a set list that stays relevant to ever changing landscape of EDM while maintaining your own personal style. For a good year I couldn’t go to a party without hearing Avicii’s “Levels”, Skrillex’s “Cinema Remix”, or Ducksauce’s “aNYway”. So I implore all of you college freshman who enjoy the Electric Daisy Carnival and want to be the big-time DJ. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to make music or do I just want to be a rockstar?” Buying turntables has become the equivalent of asking your parents for the Squier Strat Pack for Christmas because you want to bring a guitar case to school to get laid. Also please please please stop sending me events to your shitty “massive” I swear to god I never want to see DJ P1gE0N.
Model
So forlorn
Admittedly, there are tons of beautiful women out there who could feasibly have modeling careers… these are not the people that I am talking about. I am talking about the girls (and boys) who get the aforementioned photographer to take pictures of them in a field of wheat looking longingly into the distance then they change their Facebook occupation to model. The thing about being a professional model is the fact you have to get paid to do this. If you just so happen to get your picture on the front of your University’s pamphlet for after-school activities you are not a model… you just happened to the be in the cafeteria when the college photographer was taking pictures. In all honesty, who would want to be a model anyway? Seriously, it seems like most unrewarding “creative” job that a person could have.
Blogger
Literally anybody can start a blog, it takes approximately 10 minutes to become a blogger. Look at me! I’m writing for a blog right now and I am one of the most unmotivated people this side of the Andes. Blogs can be a fun hobby but it is by no means a career. (No, the irony is not lost on me)
Mixed Martial Artist
I can’t tell you how many times I have been to a party chatting with some of the more Alpha guys at the event when one of them will mention how they are currently getting ready for a match. Most (not all) of these guys seem to get an erection just talking about the next time they get to jump in the ring and display their Taek-won-do/Muay-Thai/Krav-maga fusion. Now I can’t really knock MMA too much because these guys/girls can take and dole out a beating that would be impossible for me. All I’m asking is that you guys please stop putting all your eggs in the “Beat the shit out of some guy” basket. The majority of my close friends who have actually done the tour circuit suffered some pretty extreme injuries to their ligaments and what not during their fights effectively sidelining them for life. Additionally, you can hardly call MMA your career when you’re paying out the ass every week to get lessons from Spud the local boxing coach. That’s like claiming you are a professional
Side note:
Yes, I realize how incredibly cynical this article is. Let me be clear, I am not telling anybody to halt the pursuit of their dreams. What I am saying is that you should wait a few years before you start defining yourself by your hobby. I have been performing in comedy groups for the past four years but by no means do I consider myself a comedian. Rather I am a person who does comedy occasionally. If I ever start touring the nation performing at shitty night clubs and college campuses I will then be able to switch my profession on Linkedin to comedian but for now I’m leaving it as copy writer.
