I was cruising through the Oxygen network as I usually do on a Friday night and the romantic comedy It’s Complicated came on the tube. I was with a lady friend and she “forced” me to watch it. This is just one of the many films that has come out in the past couple years that feature a bunch of old people going at it. All of these movies include at least one tongue-in-cheek reference to menopause or the use of Viagra.The male character almost always gets too excited in the heat of the moment and suffers a heart attack. Meryl Streep is in half of these and Diane Keaton is in the other half. So here is my definitive list of movies about old people having sex.
DISCLAIMER: Do not google the search term “Movies about old people having sex”, especially on a work computer, I had to clean out my cookie cache like a bakery with a rat problem.
It’s Complicated
Released in 2009 and clocking in at a whopping 120-minutes It’s Complicated follows the story of Jane Adler (Meryl Streep) and Jake Adler (Alec Baldwin) a divorced couple who reignite their passion when they are reunited at their son’s college graduation. The two share a drunken night of sex and ignite an affair as Jake has married the woman that he had an affair with that ended their marriage. Things get “complicated” when Jane falls for her equally aged architect Adam Schaffer (Steve Martin).
The movie is filled with awkward sex scenes and jokes about “sagging”. The climax (no pun intended) comes (also no pun intended) when Meryl Streep and Steve Martin’s characters get stoned at a party and sensually make chocolate croissants before full on making out in the middle of a bakery. There are a lot of shots of Alec Baldwin’s furry torso atop Meryl Streep’s body and it’s pretty cringe worthy to watch with anybody.
I give It’s Complicated
2 out of 5 old man boners
Play the Game
By far the worst movie on this list when it comes to basic storytelling and screenwriting but that’s beside the point- lets get down to the old person sex. Play the Game is different from the other movies on this list because it actually features OLD people having sex, this was Andy Griffith’s last film before he died. Play the Game is the story of Grandpa Joe (Andy Griffith) a widower and his grandson David who tries to teach him how to “play the game” with the ladies at his senior citizen community.
Grandpa Joe becomes a ladies man when he discovers Viagra and starts fucking all the women in the home. One of the women, who Gramps is fucking, dies because she is old as sin but he keeps banging the other one played by Raymond’s mom (Doris Roberts). Grandpa Joe eventually teaches David that being with women isn’t about playing a “game” but by truly falling in love and caring for somebody.
With Andy Griffith spewing lines referring to his sloppy old penis such as “It’s alive!” and “She turned me into a damn Popsicle” I give Play the Game
3 out of 5 old-man boners
Something’s Gotta Give
Written and directed by Nancy Meyer’s, the same woman who brought us It’s Complicated, Something’s Gotta Give is the tale of Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson) an old lecher who never settled down and Erica Barry (Diane Keaton) the mother of the young woman that Harry has been courting. At first the two are at each other’s throat due to the fact that Harry is 40 years older than Erica’s daughter. Once Harry has a heart attack Erica is forced to house him until their love grows and eventually they have an intense sex scene where Harry literally cuts Erica’s dress off with scissors. Harry pisses Erica off by going on a date with a younger woman.
Diane Keaton then fosters a relationship with Keanu Reeves (because that makes a shit load of sense). Finally in the end Harry runs to Paris to meet with Erica only to be turned down when he discovers their relationship. As Harry looks out across a Parisian moonlight, Erica returns to him, and the two leave together presumably to bump uglies until their death bed.
This is actually the best film on this list. I vaguely remember watching this in theaters with my MOM, how she thought that it would be a good idea for a 12-year-old to watch a movie about old people rubbing their private bits together I have no clue.
I give Something’s Gotta Give
4 out of 5 old man boners
Hope Springs
Another one starring Meryl Streep Hope Springs is about Kay (Streep) and Arnold Soames (Tommy Lee Jones) an old married couple who have lost all of the passion in their lives. They enlist the help of Dr. Bernie Feld (Steve Carell), a marriage counselor, to help them spark their sexual drive. The whole movie is literally about the two not being able to have sex with each other.
They sleep in different beds and are uncomfortable even cuddling . After their week of couples counseling is over the couple returns home and Kay prepares to head out of state to care for a friend’s dog because kennels don’t exist in Omaha. Finally, Tommy Lee Jones sums up the courage to bang his wife and the couple makes tender, passionate, wrinkly love. After having sex all of their marital problems are fixed and the two live happily ever after.
This one is a little formulaic so I’m only going to give Hope Springs
1 out 5 old man boners.
That’s also because TLJ only gets it up once in the movie.
Meet the Fokkens
This documentary is literally about old people having sex. Specifically the Fokken twins, the oldest prostitutes in Amsterdam’s red light district. The two 70-year-old prostitutes are on the verge of retirement and film documents their combined 100 year career in which they have serviced over 10,000 “clients”. Equally hilarious, heartwarming, and sad Meet the Fokkens is a really solid documentary that can be viewed on Netflix.
Because of the nature of the film and the fact that it is a true story I give Meet the Fokkens
0 out 5 old man boners
