10 Things More Important Than an Old Bald Woman Writing a Letter to a Younger Slightly Less Bald Woman

So some old bald lady wrote a letter to some younger slightly less bald lady about the music industry and prostitution. The intimate private letter was posted on Facebook, and released by nearly every major news source because the older bald woman wants people to know that she still exists after she ripped up a picture of some old bald man in 1992.

In the past couple days these bald women have had tête-à-tête with the younger one lashing out on Twitter, while the older one is threatening to sue for emotional distress.  I’m not sure why these bald women are so angry, maybe their heads are cold, maybe they just need a shawl.

Here are 10 things I  care about more than this scuffle filling our headlines.

I Need Bigger Pants


I’ve been gaining some weight steadily this year, I currently only own one pair of 32-30 Levi’s but all my other pants are size 30 which is a little too tight. I just got paid today so I’ll probably hit up a thrift shop for some new jeans.

My Shoelaces Untie Too Easily


It seems like even if I triple the knot these damn boots get untied if I walk more than a 100 yards!

The Government Shut Down

John Boehner

I was supposed to go to the Grand Canyon this weekend but now I’ve got to make new plans… THANKS OBAMA!

What I’m Doing Tomorrow


Should I go to my parents for breakfast or should I take a bike ride through the city?

The Thoughts of Grasshoppers


Are they happy with their lives? Do they even know if humans exist? What is their opinion of crickets?

If I Should Get Hulu Plus


It’s a pretty terrible service, but I want to watch new episodes of Parks and Rec on my Tv.



Their situation has been dwarfed in the news recently.

Does Charlotte even Think of Me Anymore?


I mean I know its been 6 years and you’re married now but do you think of me at all anymore?

Will Melissa McCarthy stop choosing Terrible Roles?


She was great in Bridesmaids and Gilmore Girls. Why did you do Identity Thief and The Heat?



I really don’t care about chalk, but I care more about chalk than what Sinead O’Connor has to say about Hannah Montana.

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